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It’s a testament to how ingrained my avoidance is that I’m conscious as I type this that the phrase I should be saying is “I have to accept that I’m simply smarter than many other people”, but the closest I can get is putting it in quotes, detaching myself from the statement and trying not to own it completely. Some conversations and introspection over the last year, particularly as I’ve worked on becoming more open and communicative, have forced me to accept that, if nothing else, I make connections faster than some other people. As I wrote about above, I’ve spent a long time fleeting from the idea that I might be “smart”, because I fundamentally don’t believe I’m anything special. A pet peeve of mine is having something I already understand explained to me, and I make a particular effort not to do the same to other people it feels patronizing to me and I try to avoid it. It makes it hard to know when I’ve explained my train of thought adequately. It sometimes manifests as deep arrogance, when I’m convinced I’m right because I’ve followed a logical train of thought to its conclusion and just assume everyone else is on the same page as me. It leads to a lot of insecurity on my part, and a reticence to speak my mind, especially in person. When I make a connection quickly, my immediate assumption is that anyone around me can make the same connection, and to me it often feels like people who don’t are either disagreeing with me or questioning my mental capabilities. I wrote, a while back, about “ being smart“, and in retrospect I can see that assumption in the text. They’re easily capable of making the same connections I am, and if they don’t, it’s because they didn’t think of it, not because they weren’t going to get there eventually. It isn’t, to me, a particularly refined train of thought, and an assumption that I’ve had– that I’ve held onto for most of my life– is that anyone and everyone else is having similar trains of thought at similar speeds.
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I don’t think of this as particularly clever. This is a (semi-)logical chain of thoughts that I went through in about the time it took for me to say “A lightsaber. That is AWESOME, and is way more exciting than having a glowy sword of dubious usefulness (as cool as it might be). Energy crisis is pretty much solved overnight, and the battery is small enough to power pretty much any device we currently have, with no emissions other than light, sound, and heat. It doesn’t seem to require fuel, it doesn’t seem to need frequent recharging, and it’s not fragile.
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Deconstruct one, figure out how to replicate the battery and however it recycles power/recharges, and you’ve got enough power to fuel a city in an object the size of your hand. It’s power supply also lasts for decades at least without any real issues.
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Here’s the full sequence of steps that led to my answer: a lightsaber is basically a ultra high powered electronic device that’s super compact. I’ve started calling it “skipping a few steps”. I used to think it was a problem of me communicated badly, and while it is, it’s not poor communication in the way I thought it was. This happens to me a lot it’s something I struggle with. It made absolute sense in my head, a perfectly logical sequence, and it was jarring when my friend went “wait, what? That makes no sense.” The question was “what fictional weapon would you want to have, and why?” My answer was “a lightsaber” she laughed, then looked confused when I said I wanted one so we could solve global warming. Today I confused a friend during a conversation.